Of Wisdom Teeth and Dress Dye: Frugal to a Fault
It’s only been eight months since my wedding, but I couldn’t bear the thought of spending $200 on a dress, only to never wear it again. So, I just dyed it blue. It shrank a bit, but it’s mostly fine.
“Waste not, want not,” has been my Dad’s mantra for as long as I can remember. I must have internalized it. Here is another story of our epic cheapness:
“By your father’s request, we are going to extract all four of your wisdom teeth in one procedure.” The dentist’s voice was muffled by his white mask, his eyes concerned. That’s a lot of teeth at once. But I knew why my dad would request that: having only one procedure would save money.
I remember little of the procedure itself. I found something hilarious: was I given laughing gas? Then soothing sleep. When I woke, I felt like I was moving in Jell-O to my father’s tiny old Ford Festiva. I was too dizzy to feel my usual humiliation about its dilapidated state or the hot-pink racing stripe on its side.
The tooth removal wasn’t that bad, in all honesty, I liked it. I had plenty of drugs to mask the pain. I got to have smoothies and milkshakes which were a delicious revelation since recently recovering from anorexia. I even discovered that I liked certain types of baby food: jarred sweet potatoes with apples were delicious! I didn’t have to leave the house so nobody needed to see my bulbous, swollen chipmunk cheeks.
The best part was that I got to miss two days of school. I was a high school senior and couldn’t wait to leave that hell-hole. After a falling out with my best friend after I tried to evangelize her for the fifth time, I became a friendless loser. My love of learning wasn’t cool and my classmates would roll their eyes when I raised my hand in class.
During my “health vacation”, I could relax, finish essays and study for the AP exam in (Oxycontin-induced) peace. I had just a week before my AP exams would begin. I had already been accepted to Cornell, but I really wanted to get as much college credit as possible to save money.
By the third day, I recovered enough to return to school and to eating solid food, including my beloved seven grains and seeds bread.
On the day of the AP US history exam I woke up late with a low fever and a hugely swollen and aching cheek. It seems that the hole left by one of my wisdom teeth had grown infected, probably due to a fallen sesame seed. My favorite bread had betrayed me. But I couldn’t miss the exam. I’d studied hard for it and was sure it would get me out of needing to take some prerequisite course in college.
I took four Advil, filled a Ziploc with ice, and drove myself to school: one hand on the wheel, one hand holding the ice to my cheek in between shifting gears.
I made it to school just as the exam was beginning. I took it, the ice melting and running down my arm the whole time. As the Advil began to wear off the pain became excruciating: a throbbing heat radiating from my cheek all around my skull.
I finished the exam as quickly as I could and left right away for the dentist. They did a disgusting procedure to clean out the infection that they unfortunately did not put me to sleep for. I’ll never forget seeing the dentist’s bloody hands go in and out of my mouth. He left me with antibiotics and more painkillers.
But in the end, the infection went away. Four teeth are a lot, but we did save a lot of money by getting them all out at once (although not as much as we would have if I hadn’t gotten an infection). Taking the AP exam with a blown-up face was hard, but I managed to get a score that allowed me to pass out of a college course, thus saving me a ton of money. I find money worth more than my own comfort. I am my father’s daughter.